The Unprepared Jury

Haven’t had the time to finish this blog. Well, here it is:

Blogging’s primary function is to serve as an online journal, a venue to express love, curiosity, disgust, what not. That has always been what it does to me; not to get approval, fans, followers, and not as desperate as the mere getting many likes. If my purpose were to get as much viewers, I’d put to use what I learned about search engine optimization as an online writer and editor of five websites. But that’s not the case.

So, I was amused to see an observable increase in the number of site visits on my page. I’ve made it quite a habit to check this almost everyday, basically to prove a point. Normally, I’d get views from different parts of the globe but those that didn’t get to my site without a keyword are from three countries, including the country where I come from, the Philippines.

But during the past weeks, I got a lot more of those kinds of visits from the Philippines. I guess my page is gaining popularity without asking for it! So, hello! You’ve managed to end up here so whether you like it or not, you’re now part of a jury. Given that privilege, your comprehension and analytical skills are put to a test.

Let’s begin.

1. Let’s not go through the details. Have you seen a person on the witness stand dodge a question by saying this line? Wouldn’t an intelligent member of the jury require probing and careful consideration of both sides before weighing the case? Now, let’s say you’re one party’s lawyer, wouldn’t you find it rude that you were put in an awkward situation where you actually don’t know a lot about the person you’re defending? You are going to look stupid as the other party’s lawyer rubs one angle and argument after another on your face and your client withheld these from you.

2. Appeal to sympathy. This is when one reaches out to the heart of the jury — not for mere understanding, but for sympathy. It has its merits but many have used this obtrusively when they play with words to make things sound worse than they actually are.  For example: 1. attack vs. instinctively defend. When someone is about to physically hurt you, will you welcome it with open arms or will you defend yourself? This applies to defending other people, too. 2. Follow vs. stalk. When one is tarnishing your reputation with malicious and false accusations through word of mouth and displays a hilarious behavior of obviously copying you, wouldn’t you verify and confirm this information? On the other hand, aren’t you stalking when you always figure out what the other person is up to by finding her online — Twitter, Facebook, Facebook fan page, Instagram, WordPress, Soundcloud, and Youtube — even if the other person either changes her username or doesn’t advertise these accounts? Oh, and enough for you to save her songs on your mobile phone?

3. Glaring inconsistencies. When a person is fictitious, what does it matter to you what he does and who he builds relationships with? How come the one who insists she’s moved on unnecessarily looks back on the past? We — at least on our side of the fence– don’t have to insist we have moved on. We are happy and anyone close to us can see that and we don’t need to convince anybody that we truly are happy. We don’t go for press releases. It’s just silly. So here’s a year-old issue dug up from the grave: As I’ve told this girl straight via email, her “fictitious character” and the man I know are two different people. For one, the man I know is real. :p And, again, we’ve never had trust issues. What I need to see and know are backed up by facts and proof. If this girl were surprisingly stupid enough to fall for a “fictitious character”as if she didn’t have a mind of her own or was handcuffed the entire time; well, I simply just used my brain. Besides, I didn’t have the time to doubt cause facts just landed on my lap. Lastly, for someone to say she doesn’t know and say anything about me but habitually shows my photos and videos to people I don’t know and then say I “malign” her on social networking sites is absurd. I have varied interests and the things I write about range from culture to music to cooking to politics. If anybody feels my post is all about him/her, then let that person go wallow in paranoia! I don’t need to waste my time to counter that. The world has got enough problems to mind a drama queen.

She said these online sites herself, it came from her own mouth: Now, how did she even know I have an account on Twitter when it doesn’t even reflect my real name and I changed my username twice? — Ooopps! How did she know I have an Instagram account when I also am not using my real name and I didn’t advertise that on Facebook? — Ooopps! Videos I uploaded on Youtube immediately get views even if I don’t put hash tags and advertise it on my Facebook page. — Ooopps! What led her to block me on Facebook was actually our way of testing if she were stalking me! — Ooopps! This WordPress site is just about the most private online journal I have, yet people directly go to the home page. — Ooopps! I actually don’t need the people around us to know I have a serial stalker (serial equates to an established pattern in a person’s history).

4. Projection of Guilt – this is the best description: when you are feeling guilty for something you’ve done, you tend to put it onto other people. I think this informal vlog hit the nail right on the head:

Other examples include:

1. saying you’re maligning him/her cause he/she has been doing it to you all this time,

2. telling random people that you are copying him/her so they wouldn’t see (right away, anyway) that it’s him/her who’s been doing it, and

3. saying he/she’s being stalked while painstakingly following someone’ activities as discreetly as possible.

5. Come clean. For a while now, I’ve been hearing this “clean slate” shit (oopps.. got carried away by the video!). It’s so easy to throw the words out like what one did has been undone by some kind of “Undo” button in life. It doesn’t. It won’t.  Starting afresh needs a huge amount of acceptance, taking responsibility, and correcting what can still be salvaged. Any self-respecting person would know that trust issues can NOT be wiped off with a simple “I’m sorry” and without fully comprehending what this apology means. Otherwise, it will just be a vicious cycle with both parties wasting their time, effort, and emotions again. Time heals all wounds, yes; but though the heart forgives/forgets what one did, it doesn’t forget the pain it went through. And it’s just natural for anyone to protect his/her own heart from this baggage.

I was brought up to stay away from issues. Be quiet. Stay on the safe side. But I’ve learned this doesn’t do me or the other person any good. I’m fortunate to have always been adamant about doing what I think is what should be done without so much talk. At least, I knew I made small steps. Now, things are different. I’m no longer my parent’s lil girl and I have to take matters into my own hands, decide for myself, choose my battles, and prioritize wisely.

And when I’m forced to take a side, I decide like the jury.


Your $0.02 are welcome! :)

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