Buy Me the Love I Need

In the 90s, the Spice Girls have been singing “girl power” all the time. Towards the end of the decade, Destiny’s Child further cemented the concept by singing “Independent Woman”.

In the Philippines, the people’s concept of a woman has changed, too, but not as quickly as some parts of the world did. Yet, still, it has. It is different now.

He Bought It Cause He Loved Me

When a woman wanted something before, she used her charm. We even had a term for it, Ms. Bilmoko (short for “bili mo ako” which means “buy that for me”). It’s easy to spot girls like this, however discreet they may be.

Ultimately, for a man to be considered really taking care of his woman (girlfriend or wife), he needs to spend for her. Note that I did not use the word provide because that’s an entirely different story: he needs to buy, shell out cash, pay, pay, pay. “If you don’t buy this, you don’t love me!” A smart man would know the difference between the two and he would have a gut feel about these things, too (that’s what you get for getting Material Girl!). If you still are clueless, read this link. 🙂

Blame it all on history, I guess, for a man who asks for the conservative Pinay’s hand needs to spend for everything. It is preposterous if the woman’s family spent a peso. It is unacceptable.

But there’s a reason history has to be left in the past. Cultures evolve, awareness steps in, reason is more pronounced. The conservative elderly (or conservative minded) may constantly find himself clashing with modern thinking but he knows that a Pinay has just as much options as a man. Filipinas are educated, skilled, talented, daring, feisty, and beautiful. Heck, we’ve already had two female presidents when America hasn’t had one.

Career women are everywhere: wives, singe ladies, and mothers. Gone are the days when a Pinay is supposed to just wait for her husband’s salary. I believe some men still have issues against this. Take my grandfather and all my uncles (from my mother’s side), for example. My dad, too, didn’t want my mom to work, but my mom (as conservative as she is) didn’t favor wasting her education so their compromise was for her to still prioritize family over work. And, boy, did she do that! Some men welcome the change, though: my brother-in-law allowed my sister to spend for all the gowns when they got married. She thought it was fair that she shelled out cash, too, since her husband-to-be was using his own hard-earned money.

Today’s Bilmoko

 Women are more independent now, but there will always be gold diggers. One thing that disgusts me are Filipinas who marry foreigners for money, to get them out of poverty, for a better life, to petition their whole family abroad, or for the mere love of money. That’s a fact. Some women do that.

It’s common for the families of these women to ask the foreigners to spend for their family. I have an African-American colleague who complained about being treated as a human ATM, asked by his girlfriend’s mother to petition their whole family to migrate to America. I see foreigners in malls taking his girlfriend and her whole family out to lunch or go shopping. You see smirks and people around them making faces.

And then there are the subtle gold miners — the social climbers, all clamoring for luxury, anything for showing off, to superficially validate their existence by getting easy money: hooking up with a rich man or a rich foreigner so they don’t need to work or work hard. It’s like making these men their ticket to retirement and enjoying the rest of their lifetime being spoiled by their prey. They probably will jump to the next target if they found someone richer or had more influence. Who knows?

But I’m proud to say that fierce Pinays abound here and abroad. These independent women don’t suck up like a parasite.

As my favorite saying goes,

“An educated girl will find out in the future that it is not a baby or man that validates her worth.”

And if you want a good, good woman without worrying if she’s after your riches, I suggest you look for women like these. 😉

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